Glorious Boat Race to Victory

It was a simple concept: be the prize winner at the race down the river (I've been listening to Just Around the River Bend too much lately, I think) and bring glory to not only my family, but to my entire town. My boyfriend, his family (weird) and my family and friends were all there to support me. All asking me to do exactly what would be best for everyone. But, in a fit of rebellion at the last minute, I refused to join the race and made a big show in front of my step mother -- who looked a lot like a strange hick mother from a bad western film -- confronted me and told me, why won't you do this when it's always been a dream of yours too? Just because other people want it, that doesn't mean you can't want what you've always desired for yourself.

Which, of course, dinngggggggssss in my mind, and off I go into the gas station (?) to meet my brothers, cousins, uncles and father in the car. Except, there's no space in the car if we're going to get there in time, so off I run to Genie and blast down the road to catch up with the other boats. Apparently, my boat, is some transformer derivative of a speed boat (which is also made out of some crappy floating plastic material. Don't ask me, it's my subconscious working.) And in order to actually get on the boat, you have to throw yourself out of the moving car and pray that Bumblebee -- my boat -- will catch you just before you hit the water. So I jump from my car towards my boat, and I am literally about to miss it, and just as I'm getting to the water, BB grabs me and pulls me onto him and transforms into this Turbo Ultra Fast boat. I'm quickly climbing the ranks, and competitor after competitor is getting left behind. Suddenly I'm 14th, and there's the finish line with a gaggle of boaters all racing towards it, and somehow I get this extra spurt of energy and blast across the line. I'm triumphant!! I'm crying out in joy and glory and victoriousness and I'm so amped I can't control myself. And then, I suddenly realize one of the people that I've beaten is actually an Ex bf (who shall remain nameless).

My family and friends come over to congratulate me, and suddenly we're in this hotel/restaurant like room with everyone holding gifts wrapped in the same purple gauzy wrapping cloth/paper that is covered in bright silver stars. My boyfriend is holding me, lifting me in the air, and then hugging me on the ground. Then suddenly, the ex walks up and starts to hug me too. He's taller, though, so somehow he hugs me and pulls me away from actual bf. And I look back, and smile and tell him it's all alright I just need some time to talk to ex-ie. So, Exie takes me into this back room and hugs me again, telling me how good it is to see me and asking how I've been. We're walking, his arm around my shoulders, and I say "what are you doing these days?" and he mumbles some response. Then, he starts saying some emotional thing, like I've missed you it's been a long time, but I hope that you're doing well. And strangely, where previously I can remember a time when I would have jumped to hear those words (what person can't remember a time like that though with an ex?) I just smile softly and tell him, thanks, but I'm sorry I'm in a happy relationship now, you're going to have keep sentiments like that to yourself. And he asks if I'm participating in tomorrow's race, I say yes, of course, if you're around tomorrow night we can chat again, but I've really got to get back to all those people waiting for me. And he says of course, and we part ways rather quietly, actually.

And back I go to all the people, where my boyfriend has already begun to unwrap gifts for me, trying to manage all the guests and do damage control while I've been stuck in this room with Exie. And I can remember feeling proud, and happy, and so glad to be with him (and also knowing that he's worried, and a little frustrated, but he's still being the wonderful guy I know) and then suddenly the dream ends.

I couldn't figure out for the longest time what it all meant, and then I realized that maybe that race was Grad school, and going to a place I've always wanted to go. And maybe all those people, those townies (:( ) are the people I never thought I'd value and care about in this way because they all seemed so far off and remote to me when I first came home. And the boyfriend, well that's obvious, but those feelings of pride and happiness? Maybe my commitment-phobia is finally calming down and I'm actually getting to a point where I'm not a big pain in the ass anymore about everything. And the Ex? Well. Maybe I'm finally ready to put it all behind me. Maybe I'm not angry, and I just wonder about them, and maybe I'm just hoping that they're doing well wherever they are.